Again?!
Monday, April 30, 2007Sometimes, what drives one away is not the absence of emotion, but the overwhelming presence of it.
Like a quicksand, we are swallowed by our raging emotions. What’s worse is that the more we wanted a person to feel the same way, the more we push them away.
Hay…
Last night, I dreamt of you. We were in a certain awarding ceremony and I saw you pass. You were running to the opposite direction but I so badly wanted to talk to you. I called your name. From where you were standing, you looked to my direction and saw me. You said, you have something else to attend to and that you are in a hurry. Then, you ran off. I was left there standing. Then, I woke up.
My Psych150 (Personality) professor told us that dreams do have meanings and that the best dream interpreters are ourselves. Dreams could be our unconscious desires, our past emotions, our current state of mind, or our future wishes. Often, they tell us of what is about to come or they answer the questions that are haunting us.
I guess, this is the answer I have been unconsciously looking for and it is also the answer I have consciously feared. You, running away from me and I, left standing with nowhere to go and without any knowledge why it had ended up this way.
Among Ed for Governor
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Priest stirs people power
April 29, 2007
by Tonette Orejas
Inquirer
CITY OF SAN FERNANDO—Because of his compatriots’ active and heartwarming involvement in the crusade for good governance, Fr. Eddie Panlilio considers the battle “half-won.”
Said former Bulacan Rep. Willie Villarama: “I have been in politics since 1967. This is the first time I’ve seen an outpouring of support without hakot (herding) and without political operators, solely by volunteers who want to restore decency and righteousness in government.”
“Makapangilabut (It’s hair-raising)” was how he described the sight of people lining the streets, clapping, cheering, even weeping, as Panlilio passed.
“There’s moral victory already because many Kapampangan are standing up for what is right and good,” the 53-year-old priest seeking the governorship of Pampanga says as the local campaign period enters its fourth week.
Indeed they are.
At sunset, on a wheelchair pushed by his wife Cresencia, Felix Sanchez makes the rounds of his neighbors’ homes in Mabalacat town to distribute Panlilio’s campaign leaflets.
Where Sanchez, 77, a diabetic amputee, got the leaflets is another story. It turned out that his neighbor, dressmaker Perseveranda Yumul, 84, spent her life savings to have 60,000 leaflets printed.
In the capital San Fernando, stove maker Domingo Gutierrez, 69, gets on his rusty bike almost daily to reach as many households as he can to campaign for Panlilio.
Jeepney driver Mario Guevarra does his small bit by posting the priest’s campaign stickers for all his passengers to see.
At Panlilio’s campaign headquarters here, Terence Joseph Yumul, 13, and Romeo Ojero II, 12, have given up their summer vacation to tend the reception table, receiving or directing inquiries and reproducing volunteer forms.
In Lubao, the territory of Board Member Lilia Pineda, one of Panlilio’s rivals, a number of women have devised a discreet way to campaign for the priest—through the “sitsit” (murmur) brigade.
Then there’s Apong Gloria, 84, a retired teacher in Magalang, who turned over to Panlilio the P1,000 she had received from a campaign coordinator of Pineda’s.
Young or old, poor or wealthy, these people of President Macapagal-Arroyo’s home province are “exercising their right to choose new politics,” observes Panlilio.
New politics
He says his candidacy should “only be seen as a symbol” of the crusade that, according to him, was started by Catholics who “refused to be tied down to choices that represent what is wrong in government.”
Allan Rivera, 62, who chaired the National Citizens Movement for Free Elections (Namfrel) in Central Luzon from 1986 to 2004, says Panlilio has become a “powerful rallying figure for people who want to see real changes in Pampanga.”
Rivera recalls the “people power” he witnessed 21 years ago—of the Kapampangan breaking their silence against Ferdinand Marcos’ dictatorship by joining protest rallies, guarding their votes for Corazon Aquino in the “snap” election, stopping the advance of loyalist troops at Bamban Bridge in the boundary of Pampanga and Tarlac, and going all the way to Edsa to defend rebel troops and seek Marcos’ ouster.
The stories of Kapampangan going all-out for their priest-candidate mean “they are clamoring for a good and credible leader,” Rivera says.
“They want Panlilio to lead Pampanga out of the quagmire of unresolved issues, like corruption and ‘jueteng,” he says, referring to the controversies linked to both Pineda (wife of suspected jueteng lord Rodolfo “Bong” Pineda) and reelectionist Gov. Mark Lapid (son of Sen. Manuel “Lito” Lapid).
People power again
The cancer-stricken Rivera joined Panlilio’s volunteers last week, wanting to contribute the knowledge and skills he gathered in over two decades of work with Namfrel.
“I am filled with hope,” he says. “It’s people power all over again in Pampanga.”
Accounts gathered by or reported to the Inquirer showed as much.
Market vendors contribute vegetables, meat, fish and condiments to feed Panlilio’s volunteers.
Tricycle and jeepney drivers turn their vehicles into showboats for free.
Kapampangan living in the United States and Europe not only send donations but also bombard their relatives back home with e-mails and text messages to vote for Panlilio.
Bankers, businessmen, architects, doctors and nurses host fund-raising dinners.
Pastors of various religious groups rally for Panlilio in their respective congregations.
Government workers quietly raise funds from among their co-employees.
Techies use the Internet, constructing blogs and websites for their candidate and uploading his videos on the YouTube.
The lack of money is not an obstacle for Panlilio’s poor supporters. They are creative with the little they have, making streamers out of a rice sack and using charcoal to write slogans.
Bishop’s statement
Parishioners have photocopied the March 31 pastoral statement of Archbishop Paciano Aniceto urging voters to “reject evil, choose the good.”
Translated into Filipino by a group of teachers, the three-page statement is distributed like a subversive document.
More than 2,000 vehicle owners took part in a motorcade on Easter Sunday, buying their own gasoline, water and meals for the daylong event.
Families are reproducing and posting Panlilio’s campaign materials on the facades of their homes and business establishments.
Bikers promote him, touring the province while wearing his campaign shirts (for sale to raise more funds).
At the congress of 2,000 youth leaders on April 9, they chanted his name and clapped wildly as he stepped out of the gym.
Dramatic stories of conversion are being told.
A number of politicians have stopped campaigning for Lapid or Pineda. A very few have dared display Panlilio’s posters in their showboats.
Conversion
Dr. Rey Espiritu has taken a leave as provincial area director and council member of the Couples for Christ to work full-time in the priest’s campaign. “I want to help him make the final push,” Espiritu says.
Lawyers—31 as of Friday—are volunteering free legal services instead of joining other campaigns where fees supposedly range from P40,000 to P50,000 for 45-day work, according to Dante David, head of Panlilio’s legal team.
“I did not have a hard time recruiting them. All of a sudden, we’re many and united,” David says.
Count in four of the Philippines’ prominent election lawyers—Romulo Macalintal, Sixto Brillantes, Laila de Lima and Pete Quadra—who volunteered their services to protect Panlilio from election fraud.
Ed de Mesa, who has retired from “The Firm,” was one of the early volunteers.
The “White Campaign”—specifically white ribbons tied on gates, lampposts and vehicles—is an expression of support for Panlilio.
It illustrates how the candidate and his supporters have strayed from the traditional mold of campaigning.
That a priest has to seek public office is an “indictment of the system,” according to Fr. Resty Lumanlan, SVD, chair of the Save Pampanga Movement.
So is Panlilio being backed on the basis of his being a man of the cloth?
Says Allan Rivera: “His priesthood may have added to his charisma, but not all priests have that charisma. You must remember he has been in people empowerment work. Babad yan sa masa (He’s been immersed in the masses).”
Panlilio’s profile shows him to be involved in parish and social action work. At one time, he was theology director of the Mother of Good Counsel Seminary.
He has served as executive director of the Roman Catholic Church’s Social Action Center of Pampanga since its days as the Grassroots Organization and Volunteers Association in 1984.
He founded the Talete Ning Panyulung Kapampangan Inc., which pioneered the poor people’s Grameen Bank in the province, helping 20,000 women go into micro-enterprises.
‘Like a saint’
He helped organize the Pampango, an alliance of nongovernment organizations, to be able to maximize the services of development agencies.
In Guagua, the parish that Panlilio last served until he took a leave on March 25, he enjoys “a wide following,” David says, relating what he has seen since 1999:
“Among Ed is looked up to like a saint. In processions, he walks barefoot. He visits the sick and elderly. He goes around on his motorcycle. There’s no element of luxury in his lifestyle. His bedroom is decent, but not air-conditioned. He joins woodcarvers when they have drinking sprees—drinking little, though. He joins the basketball games of the youth. During fiestas, he helps himself in the kitchen, never wanting to be served by the host. He’s very down-to-earth.”
Cresencia Sanchez says she will give her one vote to Panlilio because he is “a good priest.”
Apong Gloria says she sees in him “a good candidate.”
“I want him at the capitol so there can be change, so our situation will improve,” she says.
To Panlilio, the patronage politics that has become accepted an facet of Philippine elections has to be overcome.
How his supporters can beat the many odds will spell the difference.
But Banjo Serrano, a professor of ethics and religion, says hope is not lost, even among the poor voters.
“There are two kinds of poor people. Because of poverty, there are those who are vulnerable to the manipulations of politicians. [But] there are also poor people who are principled,” he says.
“With the way things are happening now in Pampanga, the poor, the middle class and the rich continue to hold on to something good.”
NICE. hehe.
And Then…
Wednesday, April 18, 2007It is always a risk to like someone-and it involves time, patience, and understanding to open up. At times, it will work. Other times, it won't. But that's why you call it a risk–you invest in something and there's a possibility you won't win. However, you atill get something in return: strength of heart and mind, and the assurance that you won't have any regrets from not trying. -Candy Magazine, April 2007
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And then, he was gone… Gone in thoughts but not in memory… I've learned so much in the past 8 months that it could equal to 3 years in my life. I had been through the best and worst of times. I have tested the strength of my heart, the knowledge of my mnd, and the wisdom of my experiences. I do not regret anything that I did. I was glad that with each mistake I made, I learned twice. Each time I fell, I stood up stronger than before. I shall forever be reminded of what I felt and what I became. I may not have the best happily-ever-after story but rest assured my love story would always be worth narrating.
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1.kamusta ka na ngaun?
> quoted from peb: 'first stage of letting go'.. nice one! haha.
2.ano ang ginawa mo ngayong araw?
> slacked. listened to mp3s.
3.pagod ka na ba mabuhay?
> nope. i have so much to live for.
4.do you think madaling magmove on pag nasaktan ka?
> ako pa tinanong oh!!! it would never be easy..
5.do you think it's better na lumayo sa taong mahal mo para mawala ang feelings mo sa kanya?
> hindi ko alam eh. extinction burst muna bago tuluyang mawala. somehow, pag natanggap mo na na wala na talaga, dun ka na lumayo..
6.ilang beses ka na nasaktan?
> hay.. next question PLEASE.
7.do you think your stronger now than b4?
> to a certain extent, yes. stronger heart and mind.
8.do you tell others ur secrets or problems?
> yep.
9.are you an open person?
> yes and no. open to a very few people.
10.what is the feeling of being rejected?
> hell.
11.masarap bang magmahal?
> yes.. i guess.
12. who was the last person dat broke ur heart?
> shet naman. wag na. kahit hindi un masyadong nag-online, baka mbasa n'ya eh.. besides, it's better this way..
13.do you cope with ur problems easily?
> no! never.
14.mahirap ba ang buhay mo ngayon?
> hindi naman.
15.Money or love? why?
> love because love is love and since love is love it will always be love in the end. anu daw?! haha.
16.will you die for the one u love but doesn't love u?
> no.
17.pagod ka na ba?
> hay.. bakit ba maglelet go ang isang tao?! sagot: dahil pagod na..
18.mahirap bang magmahal?
> it has its own ups and downs. still, loving makes life worthwhile.
19. pero sa tingin mo ikaw lang mahal nya?
> honestly, hinde. i am not even sure kung minahal ako eh. shet talaga.
20. ano masasabi mo sa love?
> love is blind. sura na! haha. ewan. ala akong maisip. love is coffee because it makes me bitter. wahaha. corny.
21.are you good in giving advice?
> sabi nila, yes.. i doubt it because if i could make their lives better, why couldn't i make mine at least good enough?!
22. pag sinabi sayo ng mahal mo sorry friendship is all i can give u? ano nman ssbhin mo sknya?
> like i care!!?! duh!! haha.
23. miss mo na ba ung taong mahal mo?
> medyo. i try not to although that is impossible. hehe.
24. ano gusto mong sabihin sa mga nasasaktan?
> bilog ang mundo! smile. =)
25. ano nman ang gusto mong sabihin sa boyfriend/girlfriend mo?
> wala ako nun. haha.
So Not Over You (YET)
Monday, April 16, 2007A friend told me hours ago that I am in the first stage of letting go. I am. I think so. For me, the first stage is acknowledging the reality of the situation. Yeah, no matter how bitter I am right now, I am fully aware of the fact that there could no longer be 'us' nor 'you and me'.
Hay… Wala akong masabi ngayon. For the first time, I'm out of words. Gusto kong sabihin na tanggap ko na 'ung mga sinabi mo. Pero, may parte sa puso na nagsasabing hindi pa. Hay! Ang gulo.
Quoted from Pons: "The more I am pushing him away, the more he is pulling me back." Wala lang. Nice one. Hehe.
SO NOT OVER YOU by Simply Red
Don't know why I still slept on my side of the bed
The emptiness when you were gone kept ringing in my head
Told myself I really had to move along now
Stop regretting all the things I left unsaid, yeah yeah
So I tore up your letters
Took your picture off my wall
I deleted your number, it was too hard not to call
Felt a little better, told myself I'd be fine
Got to live for the good times up ahead, yeah yeah
'Cos everywhere I go
There's a love song that reminds me of you
And even though I knew I had to be strong
I was still not over you
'Cos I still believe and I could see how there's nothing left of you and me
That time is over
'Cos I'm so not over you
All my friends try to tell me better find somebody new
Why waste time being lonely when there's nothing left to lose?
Anything to get you out of my mind
I'm a fool if I thought I could forget
And I could not forget
'Cos everywhere I go
There's a love song that reminds me of you
And even though I knew I had to be strong
I was still not over you
'Cos I still believe and I could see there was nothing left of you and me
That time is over
'Cos I'm so not over you
Now I found a way to keep you there beside me
To where my love won't be denied
I can only hope to keep you there and guide me
There's no more need to hide from all this pain inside
About the song: Galing kay Kaye yan. Para sa akin daw. Haha. Hmm… Parang contradicting 'ung lines noh?! Wala lang. Baka ako lang nakapansin. Haha.
Just When I Thought Things Are Going Better…
Sunday, April 15, 2007…I lose it all.
I hate doing nothing. It gets me into wishful thinking, depressing thoughts, and hasty generalizations.
Yeah, the rumors are true. We are not going anywhere with this. I thought I had it all figured out. I thought I knew you. I thought we were good. 8 months. That was long enough but where am I now? Back from the start without you. Without us. Yeah, good things never last. Right now, I doubt whether I really had the good things. Were they good at all?
Shet. I hate you for the choices you make. I hate you for that damned five-letter-word. It is your weakness but you are not doing anything about it. I hate you because you let your mind rule over your heart. You have nothing to lose and yet you still play the game safe. Too safe. Lastly, even if you deny it, I know that you are still not over your past. It haunts you because you made the wrong move. You loved her. You lost her. Where does that leave you?! I hate you.
